:So, what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?:Yeah, something like that.:I was a soldier.

Hold onto your chimichangas, folks. From the studio that brought you all 3 Taken films comes the block-busting, fourth-wall-breaking masterpiece about Marvel Comics’ sexiest anti-hero! Starring God’s perfect idiot Ryan Reynolds and a bunch of other. Watch Deadpool 2 trailers and video, including teasers, extended looks, exclusive clips, footage, sneak peeks, interviews, and more on Moviefone.

Special Forces. I bet fifty years from now we'll be bestest buddies.:Fifty years from now you'll be very dead. Your entire generation will fuck this planet into a coma.:Boom!makes exploding sound:Spoiler alert. Ah, planets.:whispers to herselfNext time Uber.:Here's a spoiler alert.

You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.:Well, I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love is.:Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.:I'm a grower, not a shower.:I should've finished college.

:They're headed into the tunnel.:I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.:Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.:Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower!

We are so fucked!:No, we are most certainly not fucked.:Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture.

And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut?

Probably a guy who can't draw feet!. after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him:You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?:No, my family's safe.

And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.:No, you did it for me.:No, I didn't.:You did.:No, I didn't.:Pretty sure you did.:No, I'm positive I didn't.:Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me.

Tails, you did it for me.flips coin:I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.:Say it again.:You did it for me.:Jesus. :I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.:Dopinder, you never cease to surprise me. You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home, a place.:I want to become a contract killer.:I'm sorry, what did you say?:Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence?:Yeah, you kinda killed him.:And remember the movie 'Interview with the Vampire?' :Don't want to.:When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time.

And she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said 'I want some more.' Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.I'll never.not. picture that. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible. after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing back and look like toddler legs.

Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on next to Blind Al:Why wouldn't you cover that up?:A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.:Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you, you're just straight shirt-cocking it?

Toddler style?:Oh yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.:The hell's happening? Describe it.:I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you.:It's like, um.:Here we go.:It's like he was giving birth anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said 'You know what? :to Blind AlHappy?:It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick.

Grover's got a cock the size of a.Dopinder comes in:AH! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.:This has happened before?Dopinder starts gagging:Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.:Why couldn't God take my hearing?. Weapon XI appears in front of Wolverine:Wade, is that you?pause:I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up.as Wolverine extends his claws, Weapon XI is suddenly shot in the head by Deadpool:Hey, it's me! Don't scratch! Just cleaning up the timelines!

Look, eventually, you're going to hang up the claws, and it's gonna make a lot of people very sad.:Huh?:But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you to get back in the saddle again.shoots Weapon XI again twice:And when he does, say yes.continues to shoot Weapon XI:Oh, right.Deadpool waves at Wolverine while shooting Weapon XI and walking away:whispersI love you. :The asshole who killed Vanessa got away.:Wade, whoever they are, we'll track them down, and bring them to justice.:It was me. I'm the asshole who got away. I've killed every last one of them, except me. I couldn't kill me.Wade starts breaking down:We were going to start a family. We were gonna be a family.:Wade, Vanessa is gone.

She's not coming back. This might not be the family you want, but it's the family you need. You have a good heart. It belongs here, where it can grow.:What did you say? About my heart?Wade hugs Colossus:I think I'm in the right place.

Deadpool carries baby Hitler:That's okay. Let me see here. That's why you're such a little bastard. No one's ever changed you. Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you?

God, it smells like Hitler's anus, which. Which would make sense, wouldn't it? Yeah.places baby Hitler on weighing scale:I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick, and then I'm gonna come back with my friend Cable.

He loves killing kids. Wolverine:Upon seeing the newly transformed Deadpool/Weapon XIWade, is that you?Wade does not respondWolverine:I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you upunsheates his clawsWolverine.Suddenly Deadpool/Weapon XI is shot in the head by someone who is then revealed to be the current, time-traveling Deadpool:Hey! Don't scratch! Just tidying up the timeline.Deadpool shoots the old Deadpool several more times before walking away:to WolverineLove you. Deadpool sneaks into a maternity ward and approaches one of the babies:Boy, howdy.

This is a toughie. You're already practicing your little salute, huh? Yes, you are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't we?turns around:Jesus Christ! This is so much tougher than I thought.

Oh-ho.faces the baby again:Oh, I'm going to hell.points at baby:That makes two of us.places his hands on his head while walking in circles:You can do this.looks at baby again while waving his arms back and forth:This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. All right.cracks knuckles and sighs.

Baby's crib is labeled 'A. Hitler - 20 April 1889':Maximum effort.proceeds to grab baby. Colossus is reading a book when he hears music outside. He sees Deadpool playing Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes' on his smartphone before covering his ears:I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me.

I took that trust. And turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Minneapolis. You know the one.Colossus walks out of his room and looks at Deadpool:But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit! I was once an X-Man!:Trainee!Negasonic Teenage Warhead throws a food container at Deadpool, knocking the smartphone off his hand. Deadpool turns around and picks up the container:You're still using my Velcro labels.

Aw.:They do stick better than tape.:waving at DeadpoolHi Wade!:Please don't.:Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.:Right. It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. And just like me, he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him because the whole world wrote him off as a piece of shit a long time ago. Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut!gasps:The Juggernaut! Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever-looks at Yukio:And hi Yukio!

That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm gonna say hi back. You guys make a super cute couple. Where was I?looks back at Colossus:Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick!

And like most dicks, he's hard as a rock and causes nothing but problems! Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can!:Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive. But worst of all, you broke my heart, Wade.:Then, you know what? Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy.

Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! So stay here in Chateau de Virgin while we go get our fuck on!. before the X-Force skydive:Is anybody nervous about the high winds?:Gary.:My name's Peter.:I realize that you're new to this, but relax. You've been chosen by a higher power.:Did he just call himself God?:I think he did.:I'd like to go home.:And I'd like the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true! I spent ten years in Special Forces! You think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a light breeze?

YOU'RE IN THIS SHIT NOW, MUSTACHE!:whispers to PeterI'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I'd never let anything happen to you, sugar-bear. Go home, Wade!:Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! That piece of shit, he deserves to die for what he did to you.

He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. But if you kill him, he wins. You become everything he says you are, but worse.

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You're just a kid. You don't wanna hurt anyone.:How do you know what I want?:Because I've been inside you! That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes. Which is also off-putting.

The point is. There are people, there are people in this stupid world, besides him, who will treat you right.